Over the past few months, I’ve struggled against a deep fatigue. I’m told it’s a combination of the diabetes, one of my meds, stress, and too many years of not taking care of me. I was urged to get off the current life path I was on for a better one. Someone mentioned I was “wound too tight.”
I tried to ignore the taking care of me part. For some reason, it felt selfish. Self-centered. Wrong. Honestly – couldn’t taking my meds, eating mostly right, and walking when I had time be enough? Nope.
A medical professional told me I had to take the stress thing seriously, but even more, the self-care. That my sugar numbers were too high and too low because I wasn’t listening. I needed to cut some things out of my schedule, rest more, and then I’d feel better. And walking two blocks wouldn’t send me straight to bed exhausted and in pain.
I doubted. And silently sarcastic, while I nodded as if in agreement, I said to myself, “Yeah, right. What things can I cut? Ha!”
The fatigue deepened, and I did an inventory of my life. I would not give up helping my dad take care of my mom. That meant other things had to go. Like my clients.
I prayed. I cried. I grieved. And I decided. Honesty and self-care would come first. Otherwise I wouldn’t just burn-out, I’d burn up. So, I quit my social media business. And I shared my circumstances with some friends. Neither were easy for me, but both were essential.
The result in just a couple of days has been amazing. Yesterday I walked farther on our land than I have ever walked in the seven years we’ve lived there. Walked. Without the John Deere Gator. Just me and my Vibrams.
This morning, I woke up from a very good sleep. Early. So, I went to a place I used to enjoy as a kid: Silver Lake in Rochester, MN.
Where I used to ride my bike, swing, and feed the giant Canada geese stale bread, old popcorn, or corn.
Where other walkers and some runners smiled and wished me a good morning, and I wished them the same. And we meant it. Where two older-than-me ladies walked with dignity, purpose, and at a speed I hope to attain one day soon. Where dogs I don’t know wagged at me.
And where I walked farther still!
Because those wiser than myself were right. Where with each step, I accepted the truth that self-care and selfishness are two vastly different things.
Until Next Time,