The man’s voice shook as he confided, “I’m post-abortive.” Tears ran down his cheeks and he kept his eyes down. I stepped closer and he continued, “I insisted on the abortion, took her to have it, and paid for it. Then, I dropped the mother of my dead child off at her house and never saw her again. I still miss her and our baby – I always have and I always will.”
I thought it might be a one-time experience. I was wrong. As I share Rain Dance with audiences, I’m hearing from more and more men. Guys who regret the abortions they paid for or didn’t know about until it was too late. Over and over men like these two tell me their post-abortion stories. They aren’t alone – our local crisis pregnancy center has a support group for these men as do others across the nation.
In another place a man came up to me, looked me straight in the eyes as tears ran down weathered cheeks. “I didn’t know until it was over. I’d have been a good father to that child if I’d been given the chance. I know it was her body, but it was our baby. She left me no choice. I’ll always miss that child.” I asked him about her. “I married her and love her more now than ever. We have four living children together. She’s never been the same since she gave up the first one though. She misses the other baby too. We both regret her reproductive decision.” We both take a deep breath and he turned to leave. “Thanks for telling my story in your book. Until now I was both choice-less and voiceless.”
Sitting here pondering their pain I realize if like guy number one, they insisted on the abortion and left, the guilt is compounded. If like guy number two, they found out after the fact, even if they’d have chosen to father the child, they were never considered.
I think the most crushing comment comes from men who believe they can never be forgiven for their role in the abortion or the unwanted pregnancy. They convict themselves in the court of shame and sentence themselves to a life time of regret.
Some fear they can never have a relationship with God – ever.
So what do I tell these self-condemners? That the God who loves them made a way and His Name is Jesus.
In John 14:6 Jesus says it best: Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Jesus also said in John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Notice God didn’t include a disclaimer here – He sent Jesus for whoever believes. The only unforgiveable sin is to not believe in the One God sent – Jesus.
If you know a guy filled with abortion regret, please let him know he is loved by God. Please – be part of setting these captives free.
If you are a guy with abortion in your past – take it to God. He knows and He’s waiting.
If you loved a guy who insisted on your abortion or you refused to let the guy in your life participate in your choice, forgive him and yourself.
God is willing to pour His forgiveness out all over all of us if we believe.
God said it.
5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
In His power you can be forgiven and live forgiven.
Photo purchased from fotoloia.com