As a partner with Sheaf House Publishing, you might consider me reviewing the books by our authors a little self-serving. For me, it’s honestly about sharing my belief in these authors and their books. Do I want to sell them? Absolutely. Do I benefit from those sales? Yes. Please don’t stop there – go ahead and ask me why we publish them.

Let’s pretend I heard you ask me that question about Michelle Sutton’s latest release, It’s Not About Him – book 2 in her A Second Glance Series.

These books were contracted before I came into the company. If you think that’s some kind of disclaimer – think again. Even before I signed on, I was a fan or Michelle’s writing.

Michelle’s writing is intense, her characters real, and their struggles are honest.

When I started reading It’s Not About Him, I had a little bit of an idea about the plot. What I didn’t know was how it was going to open an old wound or that it was going to be part of what God used to tell me it was time to write the sequel to Rain Dance.

It’s Not About Him catches readers up with Susie and Jeff from book one. I wasn’t extremely fond of Susie in book one, in fact she annoyed me. Book two took me into her heart so I could see the fears and hurts that hurled her toward destruction.

Let me ask you something . . . when a young woman gets pregnant out of wed-lock, how often do we see it as a good thing? Oh we tend to be thankful she didn’t have an abortion, but are we glad for the life being knit together in her womb or are we tolerant of that life?

Perhaps it’s my permanently childless condition, but I see these tiny lives as part of God’s mysterious plan and sometimes I’m free to celebrate these little ones in public and others I keep my joy to myself.

As in this book, I’ve seen unborn babies in their single mother’s wombs dramatically change lives for the greater good long before they’re born.

I’d really like to know what you think. Email me privately if you’d like at joydekok@pitel.net or comment here.

Okay – so maybe it’s not all about me, and yet, this book opened an old wound in my heart and I think I’m finally ready to share it. It’s Not About Him tackles open adoption in a lovely and real to life way. While I like the way Sutton handles it, I found myself whispering to the author as I read the book, “It doesn’t always happen this way.” As a professional Social Worker, the Michelle knows this. The way it works in this novel is the way her story was meant to be written. It fits and I like the way she shows the tension on both the part of the birth mother and the adoptive couple.

It’s just that  . . . well, it didn’t go that way for Jon and I. In the next two blog posts, I will share how I was “an almost mom” twice and nearly a third.

Michelle is one of the authors I represent at Sheaf House. She is also becoming a friend. I haven’t told her this part of my life yet so she had no way of knowing the struggle her novel would cause in my life. I thought I was past these things.

I guess not.

Michelle’s book could not have impacted me this way if she wasn’t an excellent author and if God wasn’t at work preparing me for my next project.

So, is this entry about Michelle’s book or me?

Mostly me.

However, here is my personal review of this book.

Michelle Sutton is unafraid to go where her characters take her. In It’s Not About Him, she once again shares the push me pull you saga lived out in their lives as they seek to balance purity with their desires for intimacy. Christian young people resist because of their faith. Sometimes they succeed, and sometimes they don’t. Sounds like the lives of the kids I know and love. Sounds like all of us.

Is the book only about sex? No. It is in fact, a book about overtly Christian young adults – their faith, their desires, and the consequences their decisions leave them with.

Michelle shows that no matter what our life issue is, while we sometimes fail, God does not.

Michelle and I have learned a lot while marketing her work. One of these is the fact that readers 30 and over are faster to focus on the sex while readers from 19 to 29 are far more likely to focus on the faith in the book and applaud it. We believe there are a lot of reasons for this including but not limited to:

Sex is a big deal to young people and it is not a big deal to them. Here’s what I mean – it’s a big part of their thought life and yet, it’s all around them – in advertising, in their friendships, in the media, etc. so – it’s not really that big a deal. Ask them. It seems contradictory at first – then not.

Another reason I believe is that young adults are far more interested in God than we think they are. Forget the statistics – think hearts. They wonder about God and may even believe in Him. If you ask them, you might find that it’s not Jesus causing their discontent – it’s Christians. Really – ask them.

For most of these young adults, parties and pregnancy are part of their everyday lives. They may not be partying or sexually active, but they know people their age who are. Again, while it’s a big deal to them, it’s also a normal part of their lives so what’s the big deal? The only ones surprised are us – the older people in their lives who do not want to admit this truth.

I encourage you to read Michelle Sutton’s books with an open heart and mind. One thing that you might find is compassion replacing tolerance when a young woman in your life gets pregnant outside of marriage. And, that leads us all to living a little bit more like Jesus. Compassion is not approval. Ask the young people in your life about that too. Now that’s a discussion that when it comes up always amazes me. Oh how I hope you’ll ask them.

Bravo Michelle – you’ve done it again.

I don’t write about my husband on such a personal level very often. He’s a private man and doesn’t care to have me tooting his horn. I do it as often as I can though – I’m very proud of him and honored to be his wife.

I am writing this entry with Jon’s reluctant permission. He hopes that you will see the bigger picture and not just his wife’s biased opinion of him. I say – see my man for who he is – a really terrific guy with a generous heart.

Several years ago, Jon invested in a business with energy and optimism. Instead of a return on his funds or encouragement from the company leaders, he received years full of loss and struggle.

It started as soon as he was official with the company. An ominous phone call came from one of their employees warning us about the true nature of the company and included a personal warning to me about the dangers of being involved with a mafia-like organization. Jon was on a business trip for his much more stable and profitable job with American Family Insurance when the call came. I was told to be aware of my surroundings at all times and the caller warned that being alone wasn’t in my best interest. When I tried to reconnect with this source later, he was suddenly missing in action. (This man later dropped off the face of the earth – even private and state investigators could not find him.)

Jon worked to have the company honor their promises and then with no choices left, he took them to court. He put up a valiant battle across several state lines and for a few years. Jon worked harder building his AFI agency so he could pay off his loan and support us. He did both in a very short period of time, but hiring an attorney wasn’t possible for most of this engagement. So, in what little spare time he had, he went to the local law library and with great courage and dignity, he represented himself.

While he often won in court, getting payment proved impossible. At one point, a judge over turned her decision originally in Jon’s favor although she admitted it was with great hesitancy that she did so.  A win became a loss.

Finally, the battle went to Texas. Worn out, Jon called a local attorney who said he’d look at the case and get back to him. Jon hired the attorney, sent him all his information, and boarded a plane.

While in the air, the attorney called me. He wanted to know where Jon got his law degree – he’d rarely seen such detailed and excellent work. When I told him Jon’s story, the guy was not only impressed, for some reason, he was moved.

When Jon arrived in Texas, the law office had cleared out an office for him to use and had called together a team of lawyers to guide Jon through the next steps. They met him at the courthouse – yes, they. The whole law office was on board.

This time, he met his nemesis face to face.

 Jon’s efforts made it impossible for this man to legally do business in at least three states, and a very small settlement was offered. My weary warrior accepted. He’d fought for his rights honestly and with integrity, but he was done.

The man I married honored God,, impressed judges (they said so!), attorneys (they said so too!), and me. Then, my tenacious, but tender husband made another decision: he spent that  small settlement on three kids who wanted to go to Disney World.

What the lawyers, his opponent, and those Jon blessed didn’t hear were the prayers said for this guy. My husband fought a worthy legal battle against the man who literally robbed him of tens of thousands of dollars and he also fought for the man. Jon didn’t assume his enemy wasn’t saved, he simply prayed if he wasn’t, he would be. Then, Jon went a step farther and came up with a way to share his faith personally with the man.

Jon was and is a living testimony of Matthew 5:43-45 (NKJV) to me.  He’s also my hero.

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

It’s my birthday today. I’m 52.

My husband is a wonderful man. He remembered something I mentioned wanting months ago. It might seem odd, but this old girl wanted a little girl present. I asked for Beatrix Potter books. I unwrapped the first four at coffee this morning. I love them. I read part of Peter Rabbit to our puppies who seemed to take great delight in the story or perhaps it was simply the mention of rabbits.

Then, my mom and dad picked me up and took me my younger brother to IHOP for breakfast. My brother will be 50 in a few days.

It was a yummy breakfast, but a little bittersweet – we were all feeling our age I think. I treasure the time though. My brother made us all laugh. I savored the moments and let them sink deep into my memory.

There was an unspoken ending – no birthday pie. For many years Mom has baked me a rhubarb pie. I know she wanted to make me one – it just wasn’t meant to be this year and it may never happen again. Change is hard and yet, I am remembering the pies and am thanking God for the many I shared with my family.

When I got home, I checked my email and had many birthday wishes from family and friends who are regulars at FaceBook. That social site sure makes getting older a lot more fun!

Tonight my beloved husband will take me to supper at Applebee’s – he knows I love their spinach and artichoke dip. Then, we’ll head back home to watch Miss Potter. It’s one of my very favorite movies. We’ll snuggle with our puppies, I’ll get teary-eyed over her sorrows and triumphs, and it will be the perfect end to this birthday.

I’ve been known to break into spontaneous prayer although I admit it’s been awhile since I shared it with anyone. These days, it happens when I’m in the woods riding our John Deere Gator or walking in between the bean and corn field – alone.

One day when I was spending time with our niece who was 3 or 4 at the time. (She’s twenty–something now) We’d often snuggle together and I’d thank God for her or ask Him to provide for our needs.

This time I asked her, “Do you want to say the words?”

She looked up at me in wonder and said, “No. I don’t know the words to the song.”

We bowed our heads and I said the words for us. She moved in closer and I wrapped my arm around her while trying to wrap my heart around what she’d said.

When I asked her recently if she remembers this she said no, but she remembered us praying together and said when I prayed it didn’t sound like regular talking – it was more like singing.

I’m not bragging here. If it sounded like I was making music, it was because of God. He inspires that in me, brings it out of me, and receives it from me. I believe it is all from Him.

Praying out loud is a tricky thing. Sometimes how we sound matters to us. We don’t want others to hear us stumble, crumble, or mumble. We prefer to confess to no one and keep our messes undercover. We polish our praise and plan our petitions.

My prayer life is a whole lot of rhythm these days (think Johnny Cash’s guitar playing) and a little bit of blues. Sometimes there’s a gritty edge to the music in my soul and at other times a lovely melody. Sometimes I’m a little bit country and other days a little bit rock & roll (thank you Donny & Marie!). 

No matter what life looks like on the outside, there’s a whole lot of praying going on inside. Sometimes the words come with tears and other times great delight. Every now and then I don’t have any words – just feelings. It’s times like those I depend on God’s Spirit to say what I can’t pray — He knows the words to all my songs.

 Romans 8:26–27 (NIV)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Randy sat across the room from me and said, “I’m going to die.”

I could only nod as my throat filled up with pressure and my eyes with tears.

We looked at each other safer now that he’d spoken the truth. As he spoke the next words, tears splashed onto his thinning cheeks and down his chin unchecked.

“I’m going to be okay – I’m going to heaven, but I’m going to miss my wife and boys.”

Sobs ripped out him as he bent his cancer filled head to his knees. I moved to sat next to him and rubbed his back.

What else can a cousin do?

Later, after we’d blown our noses and wiped our eyes, I asked him, “What would you do if you could do it all again?”

I wondered what magnificent deed or delicious adventure he might reveal. 

“I’d see more sunrises and sunsets. They’re so beautiful.”

“You mean you’d want more days?” I asked thinking a sunrise plus a sunset equaled a day.

“I guess everyone wants more days, but that’s not what I meant. I’d get up every day early enough to see the sun rise and take time to watch the sun set.”

Again, I could only nod as this simple truth washed over my aching soul. At the end of his days it wasn’t more that he yearned for – instead he wished he’d taken time to enjoy the beauty given to him in the days he’d had.

For awhile we sat in silence contemplating his end and my continuing on.

This conversation took place over fifteen years ago. Not long after, Randy entered the final phase of his life and  passed from here to there.

I got up early today with the help of our puppies and the smell of Jon brewing freshly ground coffee in time to watch radiance wash away nighttime’s midnight blue. Tonight, I watched the sky go from summer sky blue to pink and tangerine.

As I took my first sip of coffee, I raised my cup to the sun. “This one’s for you Randy.”

I haven’t seen all the sunrises and sunsets since Randy’s departure for heaven, but I’ve seen more than I would have without this beautiful word legacy he gave me in that quiet moment.

I get hundreds of unwelcome emails every day. I have to scan the junk because my protective software often sends vital messages to the dump too.

A couple of weeks ago, one came from Her Majesty, the Queen of England. Don’t get me wrong, if Queen Elizabeth had really emailed me, it would have been grand. She didn’t.

A bogus barrister offering me a boatload of her bucks did.

Where do these scammers get these ideas? How can we get the gullible to stop responding? How do we stop these crooks?

These emails waste a lot of my time. Their manipulative authors make me cranky. They use Jesus (really – don’t we all get the ones that read: Beloved Sister/Brother in Christ? I think this could count as using the Lord’s Name in vain!), missing children, money, and now the Queen to get our attention hoping we’ll respond and give them our bank account information. They do their best to hit us where they think we might be most vulnerable. Their disrespect for Jesus bugs me badly. I didn’t like them using the Queen either.

As I hit the delete button I said to my computer screen, “I don’t want the Queen’s wealth, but a cup of tea with her Highness would really be something!”

Then my imagination took over. What would it be like to meet her?

I used to know how to curtsey – I learned how to do this with a book on my head when I was about 5 years old. It’s a skill I’ve never used and one I’d have to re-learn. Really, how does one greet the Queen? I live in a world of handshakes and hugs. Both seem out of place when I think about meeting her. Besides, my palms would be sweaty. Maybe we’d both wear gloves – I did that too when I was a little girl going to church on Easter morning. The curtsey might not go very well either – balance is a bit tricky sometimes. I’d better just stay home. Oh yeah – I wasn’t really invited.

All of these thoughts raced through my mind as I scanned and deleted over 300 crud-mails that early morning.

When I finished, I called out to Jon, “The Queen of England wants to make me wealthy.” His only response was, “Yeah right. Done deleting yet?  It’s breakfast time.”

I walked upstairs wondering what her Majesty would be having for breakfast in her part of the world and then for the first time in my life I prayed for her, “Dear Lord, be with the Queen today.”  I believe He was.

Freedom. We treasure it, fight for it, and some give their lives for it. For those behind bars for the rest of their lives, there is no freedom in sight. For those on death row, freedom isn’t a possibility. For a few who have become true believers in Jesus Christ – freedom will come the same day they “pay the ultimate price for their crimes.”

Author, Kathi Macias, recently released a novel titled, My Son John. This book walks readers through the halls of a mother’s heart when her son is arrested for the murder of his grandmother. This excellent book is available at: www.sheafhouse.com, www.amazon.com, and can be ordered anywhere books are sold. To dig deeper into what you believe, I urge you to purchase the book.

I also want to ask you – what do you believe about life sentences and the death penalty when it comes prisoners whose hearts are truly regenerated by Jesus Christ? What would you believe if it were your son or daughter?

On her blog Kathi recently wrote the following article:

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Does Forgiven Mean Forgotten?

As one who has worked in jail/prison ministry for many years, including interviewing such notorious criminals as Charles “Tex” Watson of the Manson Family and serving as editor for the personal memoirs of David “Son of Sam” Berkowitz (both now dedicated Christians), I am concerned at the controversy over the fate of those who become believers after being convicted of a serious crime.www.kathimacias.com.

I have heard the argument that if a person has been forgiven by the ultimate Judge, he should no longer have to face the full extent of his punishment and that somehow leniency is in order because the person has truly repented and been born again and is no longer a threat to society. I have also heard the argument that “jailhouse conversions” aren’t worth the so-called paper they’re written on and should therefore have no bearing on a prisoner’s sentence.

There is merit in both arguments. I, for one, believe jailhouse conversions–if they are truly conversions and not dramatic attempts to gain freedom from incarceration–are as legitimate as conversions that take place anywhere else. I also believe that the One Judge over the universe, before whom we will all one day stand, has precedence over human law. Whether or not we believe someone is “worthy” of forgiveness is irrelevant. If God declares it so, then it is so.

But does being converted and spared eternal punishment after we die automatically preclude our need to pay the price for our crimes on earth? Does being forgiven by God mean our sins are forgotten by the world? Not at all. Though the change that comes from being born into God’s family may impact the way others perceive and relate to us in this world, as well as the way we spend whatever time we have left on this planet, it does not necessarily change the conditions of our earthly sojourn, whether we are inmates convicted of crimes against society or simply individuals living in various life situations. As many inmates I have spoken to over the years and who have become believers while incarcerated have told me, “I have the joy of knowing I will go to be with the Lord when I leave this place; until then, I will serve wherever God has me–in prison or otherwise.” Those prisoners who have experienced true conversions also know that prison walls and jail cells cannot prevent them from being free once the Son of God has made them “free indeed.” They also know that many outside the confines of correctional institutions are in prisons of their own making, refusing to repent and be set free.

That said, may I suggest that you consider reading my latest novel, My Son, John, from Sheaf House, which deals with this very subject. This poignant, gripping story of heartbreak, loss, and unconditional love will challenge you to walk in a level of freedom you may never have considered before.

You can find out more about the book, watch the accompanying video trailer, and order a copy directly from my website,

Blessings, beloved, as you walk in the freedom that has been purchased at such a costly price!

I don’t like having my picture taken – at all.

Recently, I realized it was time to change my professional pictures on my websites. I wanted to wait – at least 10 more years. Instead, I emailed my friend, Lori Reinalda. She’s a professional photographer with her own studio and I decided to put myself in her capable and artistic care.

I’m so glad I did!

I’ve known Lori a long time so I can tell you a few things about her . . .

-She has a natural way of making people comfortable – she’s easy to be with even with a camera in her hands!

-She’s a professional

-She has the eye of an artist when she’s looking through a camera lense

If you’re looking for a photographer for your children, wedding, anniversary, family, or professional pictures, take a look at what Lori can do – check out her website at www.heartouchedphotography.com

Here are some of the photos she took. As you can see, we had a ball.

                          We laughed – a lot!

I’m 51 years old which doesn’t exactly seem elderly or even classify me as “older.” Okay, my body doesn’t work quite the same sometimes and I need my bifocals and many days I know I’m a bit over 50 without thinking about it.

The hardest thing about this time in life so far isn’t the aches in my body. It’s the way my heart hurts when a friend dies. In the last three months, 3 people in my life went to Heaven.

Nancy and I have known each other a long time – she was a little friend and fit nicely under my arm sort of like a little girl although she was around my age. She always had a smile for me, a hug, and a kid update – her daughter Megan is dear to my heart and I often kept in touch with the daughter via the mom. I miss Nancy.

Robert seemed to leave suddenly although he’d been sick awhile. I hadn’t seen him for awhile – his daughter is a dear friend and I kept in touch with Robert via her. He was only about 10 years older than I am and that seems young these days. Robert loved to talk about the deep things of life – usually God or politics. I am sad we won’t have any more talks and well, I miss Robert.

Peggy – dear shining Peggy. Really – this friend shone grace all over everyone who came into contact with her. She gave great hugs and godly wisdom when invited to do so. Her honesty and courage blessed me deeply but it was mostly her genuine acceptance of me – just as I am – I will miss most. She hugged me right where I was and the wisdom didn’t come out of her until I asked for it. Wished I’d have asked more often. I really miss Peggy.

All three are in Heaven. You might wonder how I know this…well, their heavenly destination was decided in their hearts before the left.

Were they good people? Yes, but it’s more than that.

Did they do good things? Lots of good things, but again, it’s more than that.

They believed Jesus was and is who He said He was and is. They accepted His payment of grace – the pardon He paid for on their behalf . . . and mine.

As I write this next part, the lump in my throat grows bigger and it’s a lot harder to swallow. I have another precious friend named Linda who is battling the same disease they had while on earth: cancer. I wish you could see her – she’s incredibly beautiful. And oh how she believes! I look at her closely and pray in my heart: please God not now! Linda won’t leave for her heavenly home until exactly the right time – it’s just that sometimes His time and mine are different.

My dad has cancer too but for right now, he’s doing very well. My mom has a fragile heart and lungs and for the first time in my life and hers, she can’t garden. Jon’s folks are doing good but time marches on – they are in their 80s so we know our time is limited with our parents we both love so very much.

Who said 50 was golden? Aging parents and dying friends is golden? Really – it’s just plain hard.

And yet…there’s this believing thing. I have it too. Jesus is who He said He is.

I know…

Jesus is God’s one and only Son.

He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one gets to know the Father except through Him.

Salvation is God’s grace offered to us individually. We are saved by faith in Jesus.

I’m a sinner – we all are . . . but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ. I am forgiven!

Oh how I miss my friends! I miss them for their families and for me. No more time with them this side of the great eternal divide.

As far as I know, it’s not my time yet.

Until it is, I will believe and grieve and it will sometimes be harder than I can conceive. But, I know that in the eternal long run – it will be far more glorious than I can imagine.  

Author Ray Blackston’s books entertain me. They also challenge me in unexpected ways. While some of his characters believe in God, they aren’t copycat Christians unless they are A Pagan’s Nightmare! (check that one out for sure!)

Last Mango in Texas cracked me up – Blackston has a way of getting me to laugh at myself. Sheesh.

While not the main character, Chang is my favorite in this bumpy romantic adventure from the oil fields of Texas to the oil slicks of Alaska then on to France and Kenya.

The author enters the “green verses oil” arena and shows the inconsistencies on both sides. I like that in a book – no one is perfect and the causes we support are only as good as their supporters. No easy answers are given by the way, but the author allows the reader to think it through and reach his or her own conclusions. The book shares this issue as a discussion. Very refreshing.

The romance angle caused me to grin too. Instead of the guy rescuing the girl, Kyle Mango is rescued by Gretchen and his ego isn’t damaged. His fascination with her is so great, his insecurities (and he has plenty!) are not as important as his discoveries. 

While I enjoyed Kyle Mango as the main character, my real favorites were Chang and Sam. I found myself glad when either this young Korean or this old New York bookie stepped on to the pages. And wait until you find out who Bullion Betty is! I was surprised and delighted. Ray Blackston knows his characters and she fits this story perfectly.

If you’re looking for a fun read with serious undertones but no preaching – check this guy’s writing out. Teens and young adults will enjoy his books too.

So far, if he’s written it, I want to read it.

As a writer, I enjoy his humor, the clear “voices” he gives his characters, and the funky plots. 

You can learn more about the author and his books at:  www.rayblackston.com