Today my precious sister-in-law is having surgery on her right lung - the one they did extensive work on five years ago. The one we knew was fragile but okay. The left one still has an open wound from a year ago. Today they will open her right side and see if they can fix the new injury.

Lisa has rhuematoid lungs.

She also has Jesus.

On any day He is our only hope and I talk to Him a lot. On days like this He is our only hope and I talk to Him constantly. In the night I woke up often and found deep joy praying in the still of the night.

Then today a friend sent an authentic email prayer for us and others sent brief notes and their love - oh dear ones - you can’t imagine how you’ve helped! Without the family and friends who faithfully pray for us, this journey would be so much harder. When we can’t pray (and there are times!) they do. When I can only cry and beg God silently, the Holy Spirit takes my requests to God - understanding the needs better than I ever can or will.

The Bible tells us to be thankful in all things and at all times. I’m trying. Actually, I’m asking God to fill me with thanksgiving because it’s not coming on it’s own and it’s not something I can work up on my own. God is hearing my prayers. I know this because tiny moments of DNA level thanks wash over me as I pray. Joy can’t do that - only God can.

Here’s my thanksgiving list so far…

I’m genuinely thankful for Lisa and my brother Jon’s faith in Christ.

I’m thankful God will never leave or forsake them. He said it and I believe it.

I’m thankful God hears our prayers and has a plan.

I thank God for doctors with knowledge and a willingness to learn because most of them have never seen anything like this.

And for every breath she takes…I’m thankful for Lisa’s lungs.

Yesterday for a short time we rode the cycle under a Bald Eagle - literally. At fifty miles an hour we could stay directly under him - in the shadow of his wings. As he soared off to our left, I couldn’t help myself. I whooped. It was just so cool.

I followed my celebratory whoo-hoo with a silent prayer of thanksgiving for so rare a moment. I’ve observed several eagles through my years of bird watching. But I’ve never felt like I was flying with one until now. For a brief moment it felt like our Gold Wing had…well, wings. It didn’t and praise God the wheels never left the pavement…but I was less aware of the feel of the road beneath me as I raised my eyes to watch the massive bird’s mighty wings and see his talons stretched out along the underside of his body.

The moment reminded me of my nephew Kevin who is a glider pilot. He soars eagle-high and understands the language of the wind and thermals as he eases the glider through the air. He knows about take-offs and landings…tipping and banking and all the techinal things I have no understanding of.

Then there’s the life lesson. The eagle was built to fly. God gave him all the tools he needs to be an eagle and soar like one. I was built to live for God’s glory. He gave me all the tools I need to soar as a Believer in Christ Jesus. Because His Spirit dwells within me, I can know when it’s time to tip my spiritual wings or adjust my rudder so I can soar in the role He wants me to focus on that moment…witness, worshipper, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, writer, speaker, or prayer.

As a Believer…I can soar spiritually…as the eagle flies. Now that’s cool!

Late this afternoon, a baby robin sat on one of our deck posts waiting for his mom. She was gone a long time and I began to plan an adoption. I’d have Jon pick up dry dog food on the way home. (mashed with water the little one would get nourishment until I could figure how to provide him with a more natural diet although I confess to shuddering at the thought of what that might require of me…but I was still willing) Even the papa wren who lives in my flower garden got worried about the little guy and sat beside him for awhile. I took a break from watching him and when I returned he was gone. I hoped with all my heart his mom had returned and they were tucked away somewhere safe. I know nature is at times grisly but I unless I see the bad thing happen, I choose a happy ending.

When Jon got home it was motorcycle time! We rode to Red Wing, ate at Perkins, and came home. It was the perfect time for a ride. We wore our helmets - my hair is longer than last year when it was short - oh so short - short. Snarls are not my friends and the helmet protects my hair. You’d think I’d be concerned about it protecting my head right? Well if you had as many bad hair days as I do - you’d be thinking about the hair too. Thinning hair on a woman is no fun and I need every strand I have!

The ride in the fresh air made me tired so I’ll head for bed soon. Tonight I’m thanking God for the fun of being close to a baby robin who was for a moment nurtured by a wren…and a ride on an illusion-blue Honda Gold Wing with my man.

The Characters:
What is most compelling to you about Jonica?
She’s much like me so I’m not as fascinated with her as I am Stacie. My biggest dilemma with Jonica is if people don’t like her they won’t like me. I’m now 48, so she’s a much younger me…she’s also much taller and thin! (Fiction leaves me free to do that!) Her experiences with infertility are my own so going back there was difficult. I think the most compelling thing about her is she didn’t turn her back on Stacie.
What about Stacie?
Stacie is very different from me and in the writing that was a huge relief! When I started writing her I knew I loved her best - it wasn’t a conscious thing but it was a very real thing. When she “spoke” to me the first time I heard a lawyers voice - succinct and intelligent. Her pain grabbed and startled me. I prayed readers would love her. Most love her deeply.

Their Point of Views:
Why do you think the author chose to write in dual first person?
Each woman had to tell her story. One voice couldn’t do these two women justice. When I tried 3rd person on Stacie she sounded fake and instead of strong she sounded aggressive. Jonica sounded wimpy instead of wounded. When I interviewed Stacie about her story, that’s when her voice came alive on the page the way it had been in my head. That’s when I knew they had to do all the talking.

Their Faith:
Both women faced a crisis of their belief systems. Jonica’s story is real. Those comments were made to me over 25 years ago. It hurt my heart to learn that young women today are still hearing the same stabbing words today. I felt I’d failed them somehow - church ladies should know more today than when I was young and barren. I should have told them. Now I have. Stacie believed a movement fought so hard for would stand behind her. They didn’t. People failed them. God did not!

The Issues:
It’s been my prayer that readers would get a glimpse into the world of the young woman who can’t have children - the one who can’t attend another baby shower to save her life. She doesn’t want the child born to the new young mom - she wants one that has her smile and her husband’s eyes. Instead of taking birth control pills, she’s taking her temperature. Infertility is an issue so intimate we don’t talk about. How sad.
PASS (Post Abortion Stress Syndrome) is often ignored by the pro-choice community. I’m not sure I understand why except that it complicates a decision they’d prefer to keep simple. As I wrote this, I realized how very complicated choosing abortion is - maybe not the choice but the living with it. I realized almost immediately Stacie wasn’t just suffering guilt - she was grieving - far deeper than I expected her to be. The post abortive women in my life did something amazing for me - they gave the issue of abortion a level of importance beyond a political issue - it now as a face, flesh, and blood…and I’m more passionately pro-life than before. I grieve the lives ended in the millions of abortions done in this country alone. I have no idea who we’ve lost as a society.
I do know this…the post abortive women I know are the most pro-life people I know!

The Men in Their Lives:
Ben is my Jon only I didn’t have time in the story to full develop his character. Because I know his heart as a character and a real man better than I put on the page, I’m crazy about him! The Father’s Day hurt was so hard to write. Jonica is her daddy’s girl in an easy relationship she treasures. He’s another male character I didn’t get to share with the readers as much as I would have liked…but Carl is quiet and didn’t want anymore page time than needed. I loved Steven Dunbar, Sr. I felt his loneliness and faithfulness. He’s the one who helped me love Eve before I understood her. Then there is Stevie - who walked onto the page one day and refused to leave! I tried to delete him several times but within the second he was there he belonged to the story. I had no idea how he would bless the mother’s of challenged children. He blessed me as an author too!

The Friendship:
I think when women choose to look for common ground with another woman even when they have drastic differences, we live the truest peace accord there is. As a woman I often want everyone to believe the way I do…because I want the very best for them…instead of showing (which takes a lot more effort), I’d rather tell (which is preachy and at times unkind). As these two came together in friendship on the page, they confirmed what was happening over and over again my own life. Find the common ground…live the faith…and let God do His work.

Mothers & Daughters:
Rose was easy to write. She’s my mom. My mom is able to communicate the ways I delight her (and the ways I don’t!). It seems I delight her often. She too (like Carl) preferred a quieter role in the novel so I respected that.
Eve came at me every chance she got - challenging me to hate her. At times I did. I didn’t understand her and I resented her power over her daughter and a nation. Then I met Stevie and saw her in him…cancer revealed her frailty…and her mis-communicated love for Stacie became evident. I thought she was bad through and through. She wasn’t. I’m so glad I was wrong! When I found out she was Stevie’s secret benefactor I literally jumped out of my chair and yelled, “Go Eve!” I thought it was someone else.

The Dance:
The dance wasn’t part of my plan either - although I confess I love splashing around in puddles and walking in warm rain. When they became moments of intense worship for these women I wept. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks - enough of them to dampen the front of my shirt as I read it again and again…and realized it just didn’t fit at first. I saved that part and wrote the end I’d planned on. It felt flat and insincere but it was the only other one I had. Then a friend took me to breakfast and shared her story - her Stacie story…and how God used the verses in Ezekiel (you’ll find them in the authors note at the end of the book) to show her His total forgiveness. I sat in that restaurant moved beyond tears…my heart so full I thought I might burst. The real end did fit. Salvation demonstrated in a rain dance. Imagine that. God did!

Stacie’s dance symbolizes her redemption - salvation bought for her by Jesus.
Jonica’s dance symbolizes her redirection and rededication to her faith.

WATER DOESN’T SAVE. Jesus does. Water doesn’t redirect. Jesus does. To both women the water was a aymbol of His touch. I loved the way it was the same water. Did you?