I’m 51 years old which doesn’t exactly seem elderly or even classify me as “older.” Okay, my body doesn’t work quite the same sometimes and I need my bifocals and many days I know I’m a bit over 50 without thinking about it.

The hardest thing about this time in life so far isn’t the aches in my body. It’s the way my heart hurts when a friend dies. In the last three months, 3 people in my life went to Heaven.

Nancy and I have known each other a long time – she was a little friend and fit nicely under my arm sort of like a little girl although she was around my age. She always had a smile for me, a hug, and a kid update – her daughter Megan is dear to my heart and I often kept in touch with the daughter via the mom. I miss Nancy.

Robert seemed to leave suddenly although he’d been sick awhile. I hadn’t seen him for awhile – his daughter is a dear friend and I kept in touch with Robert via her. He was only about 10 years older than I am and that seems young these days. Robert loved to talk about the deep things of life – usually God or politics. I am sad we won’t have any more talks and well, I miss Robert.

Peggy – dear shining Peggy. Really – this friend shone grace all over everyone who came into contact with her. She gave great hugs and godly wisdom when invited to do so. Her honesty and courage blessed me deeply but it was mostly her genuine acceptance of me – just as I am – I will miss most. She hugged me right where I was and the wisdom didn’t come out of her until I asked for it. Wished I’d have asked more often. I really miss Peggy.

All three are in Heaven. You might wonder how I know this…well, their heavenly destination was decided in their hearts before the left.

Were they good people? Yes, but it’s more than that.

Did they do good things? Lots of good things, but again, it’s more than that.

They believed Jesus was and is who He said He was and is. They accepted His payment of grace – the pardon He paid for on their behalf . . . and mine.

As I write this next part, the lump in my throat grows bigger and it’s a lot harder to swallow. I have another precious friend named Linda who is battling the same disease they had while on earth: cancer. I wish you could see her – she’s incredibly beautiful. And oh how she believes! I look at her closely and pray in my heart: please God not now! Linda won’t leave for her heavenly home until exactly the right time – it’s just that sometimes His time and mine are different.

My dad has cancer too but for right now, he’s doing very well. My mom has a fragile heart and lungs and for the first time in my life and hers, she can’t garden. Jon’s folks are doing good but time marches on – they are in their 80s so we know our time is limited with our parents we both love so very much.

Who said 50 was golden? Aging parents and dying friends is golden? Really – it’s just plain hard.

And yet…there’s this believing thing. I have it too. Jesus is who He said He is.

I know…

Jesus is God’s one and only Son.

He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one gets to know the Father except through Him.

Salvation is God’s grace offered to us individually. We are saved by faith in Jesus.

I’m a sinner – we all are . . . but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ. I am forgiven!

Oh how I miss my friends! I miss them for their families and for me. No more time with them this side of the great eternal divide.

As far as I know, it’s not my time yet.

Until it is, I will believe and grieve and it will sometimes be harder than I can conceive. But, I know that in the eternal long run – it will be far more glorious than I can imagine.  

In a few minutes I will start getting ready. In just a few hours, our house will fill up with the voices of loved ones. The air will smell like egg bake, fruit breads, coffee, and cinnamon candles. The tables are set – 12 are coming and that’s just too crowded for the big table. Four of us will sit at the little table – most likely Terri, her grandboys, and me. The 2 of us big girls sort of all belong at the “kids” table.

We’ll light up the three little artificial trees. They might be fake but I sure do like the way they twinkle.

They’ll stay and talk. We’ll remember Christmases past and ask each other what we think the very first Christmas was like. At least I’ll ask. Then, if I’m not satisfied with the answers, I’ll ask questions that will hopefully get us to dig into the story a little deeper. I’m stubborn that way.

The little boys coming belong to our niece Sarah and her husband Darwin. I used to sit at the kid’s table with Sarah and her brother Mark along with other nieces and nephews. We had a grand time! Today, I’m going to watch her energetic little ones. I know I’ll see her imprint in Jack’s face and in Josh’s ways. I’ll also see their daddy’s stamp here there. What I’ll really be looking at and savoring it in my soul is two little boys created in the image of God. Then, I’ll look at their great grandparents, grandparents, and aunts & uncles present and look for God’s image there as well. I wonder where I’ll see Him in each one. Will I hear Him in Jack’s laugh? Josh’s more serious contemplations? Greatgrandpa’s prayer? Greatgrandma’s tender touch? Uncle Jon’s heart?

The puppies will be delighted to have company and will add to the joyful commotion. We will laugh. We will share. There might even be tears - most of us have had a really hard year. Perhaps today being together and remembering Jesus will ease our burdens a bit. The laughter of children and wagging dog tails usually seem to help.

Right now I can hardly wait until my bunch gets here for brunch!  

Stable living was not the couple’s first choice. We know Joseph sought other lodging. There was none. Except the place God had planned all along. I believe the God who knows everything was not surprised when the only place available was a stable. In fact, it was the perfect place. It was where shepherds would feel free to come and find the baby resting in a manger.

When I think of what my place in the Christmas story might be I always see myself as a shepherd. Ordinary. A little on the raw side. So, maybe I don’t smell as bad…but I can be a stinker from time to time.

I never want to get over the miracle of Christmas and the way God revealed it to regular people.

God appeared first as a baby to an ordinary man and woman. He trusted one to carry and then give birth to His Son and the other to provide for and protect them both. Then He sent an angelic host with the birth announcement, and ushered some guys used to living on the sidelines to the stable to meet their Messiah. A stable full of Life – a life that would be given for them…and me.

These ordinary guys didn’t stand around trying to write off the angelic announcement as a UFO. They recognized heaven’s messengers and accepted the invitation to meet Him. I think they hurried. I’d like to think I would too. I picture myself running to see the One the angels said had come.

Oh I hope I would.

There they found a family living among animals under God’s great night light. And these underdogs of Jewish society got to see Him first. Then these men, saw what many others missed and did what most others refused. They recognized God in the flesh and they worshipped him. What did they see in the face of the baby? Did they recognize salvation’s Son?

In all the instability of life I see this young family as the truest picture we can have today of stable living. The kind where Jesus is adored, accepted, and worshipped no matter how uncomfortable, scary, or painful life is. Where peace rules and chaos puts up a fight but must eventually flee. Where the lost are found and the dead find life. Where comfort is given and condemnation removed. In this season when the hectic often trumps the holy, I want to continue wondering…what was it like in the stable with the Divine?

I don’t want all the answers. Wonder often leads to wonder or in other words when I wonder I usually end up worshipping. And in that transition I experience a tiny bit of what it must have been like for Mary, Joseph, and the shepherds…a little bit of the truest stable living there is.

Mary & Joseph. Two people who had angelic visits and said yes to the messengers. Then, she bore Him and they lived with Him;  the Message – Jesus the Christ – the Good News.

As much as I’m in amazement at the scene in the stable…it’s the trip to Bethlehem that’s on my mind today.

Pre-black top and cement…how does one find a road in the desert? Doesn’t shifting sand cover up the camel tracks from caravans? Or were there landmarks that led them from turn to turn? This might work for me since I’m a bit directionally challenged. North and South mean little but turn left by the pile of stones near the well of whatever might get me there.

Did the couple talk about their dreams? The baby? The census? Did they wonder as they wandered about all they might face in the coming days? Did Mary wish for her mother’s presence as she knew the date of Jesus birth was so near? Did Joseph worry about providing for Mary and the baby when they reached Bethlehem? What sounds did they hear? Sights did they see? Did they travel alone or alone in the company of a caravan? Did the wind howl and the sun scorch? Did Mary ponder all she knew and wonder about all she didn’t? How does a first time mother raise the Son of God? Was the trip good for their marriage? Was the time away from the gossip a relief even if the days were long, dry, and hot? Then later, after another angelic visit, they were once again on the road this time headed for Egypt – running for the life of Jesus. These trips were only the beginning of life on the road for Jesus.

During Jesus time on earth, He walked all over with His disciples, walked to Calvary and out of the tomb, joined two followers on the road to Emmaus and later met Paul on the road to Damascus.

While none of my questions about Mary and Joseph can be answered, my personal ponderings keep me focused on the One who road in her womb. Immanuel. The true King of the road.